Making Mountains out of Molehills in Relationships

General Relationship Discussion Although anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.

Yesterday, 02:07 PM	? #1 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Jun 2012 Posts: 445	A question keeps running through my head, "do we give too much life to things that might not be real?" because I find that I always seem to be worrying about one thing or another in my marriage especially, and then living based around those worries or situations I "think" I'm going through. I assume things, or making false accusations... So I guess my questions are, Why do we always tend to make mountains out of molehills? Why can't we live day to day, instead of thinking so much about yesterday and the day before that? Why do we worry so much about what will happen tomorrow, especially in regards to relationships? Why do we never want to forgive people for their mistakes? These may seem like really dumb questions, but I wonder sometimes....If we all put down our worries, and concentrated only on what we can do to better ourselves instead of trying to change other people, wouldn't that lead us one step closer to having healthier lives in general? I don't know if any of you will want to reply to this, but I just want to put it out there. Feel free to put your two cents in.
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Yesterday, 02:20 PM	? #2 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Jun 2012 Posts: 1,841	Quote: Why can't we live day to day, instead of thinking so much about yesterday and the day before that? Why do we worry so much about what will happen tomorrow, especially in regards to relationships? Why do we never want to forgive people for their mistakes? Well I think it all depends.the only time I think of yesterday or day before that (where its in anyway interupting with living today so to speak) is if its not resolved."no closure" left open ended and or even still ongoing. Pretty much for me If I do worry? Again its open ended and no closure and again especially if its a repeated "theme" ..like "lied to me again" no "security" wont lie again tomorrow because its a "pattern" with not a lot of time to heal in between.. The 3rd one is not me.I do want to forgive people for mistakes but for reasons as stated above they can sometimes make that far more difficult for you .But forgiving someone is like a breath of fresh air to me a "release" and I want to do it.Its not just for them..actually sometimes it isn't for them at all.You can forgive a dead person as an example.
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Yesterday, 03:08 PM	? #4 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Aug 2012 Posts: 1,191	Quote: Why do we always tend to make mountains out of molehills? Firstly this is not a "why do we" question because not everyone does this. I will say that when I was miserable towards the end of my marriage that things looked far bigger than I could cope with but the reality was that things actually were huge. Big big problems. On an everyday level no I don't turn the small stuff into bug stuff, I just tend to take whatever action is required and move on. Why can't we live day to day, instead of thinking so much about yesterday and the day before that? Again not everyone does this. Living in the present is the way I roll. At times there is great reflection on the past or excitement about the future but generally my days are flat out and I stick to thinking in the present. Why do we worry so much about what will happen tomorrow, especially in regards to relationships? Not worry about tomorrow with my relationship, excited about the future though. Why do we never want to forgive people for their mistakes? This is such an important thing to do not only for them but also for us. I have well and truly forgive the person that hurt me the most in life, it is a liberating feeling and let's you just get on with your life.
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Yesterday, 07:21 PM	? #7 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: Kansas City Metro area Posts: 2,377	Quote: A question keeps running through my head, "do we give too much life to things that might not be real?" because I find that I always seem to be worrying about one thing or another in my marriage especially, and then living based around those worries or situations I "think" I'm going through. I assume things, or making false accusations... So I guess my questions are, Why do we always tend to make mountains out of molehills? Why can't we live day to day, instead of thinking so much about yesterday and the day before that? Why do we worry so much about what will happen tomorrow, especially in regards to relationships? Why do we never want to forgive people for their mistakes? These may seem like really dumb questions, but I wonder sometimes....If we all put down our worries, and concentrated only on what we can do to better ourselves instead of trying to change other people, wouldn't that lead us one step closer to having healthier lives in general? I don't know if any of you will want to reply to this, but I just want to put it out there. Feel free to put your two cents in. It's been said that a short memory for the bad stuff and a long one for the good things is what makes a marriage last. Your idea is the same principle, just in the future.
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Yesterday, 07:42 PM	? #8 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Nov 2012 Posts: 529	Along the lines of dallasapple's first comment, it's very difficult for me to "move on" and forgive and forget when the issue never gets resolved...when it gets swept under the rug, when my feelings are invalidated frequently. It's little hurts that add up to one big one eventually...a dismissal of my opinion about something that affects me as much as him, a cold shoulder lasting days that ends abruptly with no explanation, a unilateral change in pre-marital decisions such as how many children to have, constant walking on eggshells to ward off angry outbursts over trivial matters. Then when trying to discuss the issue immediately, I'm told to stop taking things so personally...everyone has a bad day...if I try to bring it up later, I'm accused of holding grudges for every little thing. For me, this is why it's hard to let go of yesterday and just be happy with today, to just forgive and forget...because to forgive someone for past hurts, it sure as heck would make it much easier if that person would meet half way and acknowledge their contribution to the problem.
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Yesterday, 07:57 PM	? #9 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: Somewhere Out There Posts: 3,664	Quote: Well I think it all depends.the only time I think of yesterday or day before that (where its in anyway interupting with living today so to speak) is if its not resolved."no closure" left open ended and or even still ongoing. Pretty much for me If I do worry? Again its open ended and no closure and again especially if its a repeated "theme" ..like "lied to me again" no "security" wont lie again tomorrow because its a "pattern" with not a lot of time to heal in between.. The 3rd one is not me.I do want to forgive people for mistakes but for reasons as stated above they can sometimes make that far more difficult for you .But forgiving someone is like a breath of fresh air to me a "release" and I want to do it.Its not just for them..actually sometimes it isn't for them at all.You can forgive a dead person as an example. I quoted this because I think she says it better than I can. I agree with what I have emboldened. It is the open-ended, no-closure issues which make it so difficult to heal and move forward. My belief is, they know and have experienced this. It is done intentionally. If not, and they once truly loved you and wanted to forgive and be forgiven, they would provide their story, problem or reason. I have not figured out how to forgive when the issues remain. Edit: I have added this quote from Waking up to life because I agree with this part: "For me, this is why it's hard to let go of yesterday and just be happy with today, to just forgive and forget...because to forgive someone for past hurts, it sure as heck would make it much easier if that person would meet half way and acknowledge their contribution to the problem." __________________ "anything I did better today than I did yesterday is progress" - Saki Last edited by 2ntnuf; Yesterday at 08:01 PM.
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Yesterday, 08:30 PM	? #10 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: starbucks Posts: 212	Quote: Along the lines of dallasapple's first comment, it's very difficult for me to "move on" and forgive and forget when the issue never gets resolved...when it gets swept under the rug, when my feelings are invalidated frequently. It's little hurts that add up to one big one eventually...a dismissal of my opinion about something that affects me as much as him, a cold shoulder lasting days that ends abruptly with no explanation, a unilateral change in pre-marital decisions such as how many children to have, constant walking on eggshells to ward off angry outbursts over trivial matters. Then when trying to discuss the issue immediately, I'm told to stop taking things so personally...everyone has a bad day...if I try to bring it up later, I'm accused of holding grudges for every little thing. For me, this is why it's hard to let go of yesterday and just be happy with today, to just forgive and forget...because to forgive someone for past hurts, it sure as heck would make it much easier if that person would meet half way and acknowledge their contribution to the problem. When you get to the point where you are walking on eggshells. That's not a molehill thats a mountain. I know, I was there and that statement was my deciding factor to save myself and my kids.
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Yesterday, 09:04 PM	? #11 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: Texas Posts: 1,077	Quote: A question keeps running through my head, "do we give too much life to things that might not be real?" because I find that I always seem to be worrying about one thing or another in my marriage especially, and then living based around those worries or situations I "think" I'm going through. I assume things, or making false accusations... So I guess my questions are, Why do we always tend to make mountains out of molehills? Why can't we live day to day, instead of thinking so much about yesterday and the day before that? Why do we worry so much about what will happen tomorrow, especially in regards to relationships? Why do we never want to forgive people for their mistakes? These may seem like really dumb questions, but I wonder sometimes....If we all put down our worries, and concentrated only on what we can do to better ourselves instead of trying to change other people, wouldn't that lead us one step closer to having healthier lives in general? I don't know if any of you will want to reply to this, but I just want to put it out there. Feel free to put your two cents in. We don't HAVE to do any of that. I am convinced that the secret to happiness and contentment is in the "letting go". It is also in living for today, and planning for tomorrow. I think a long time ago, I quit wishing and wondering and hoping and worrying.... especially when it comes to relationships but really, in alot of aspects of life. I think we can make a choice. To either wallow, or to forge ahead.... and if you can get past the past.... THEN you get to coast. A few tips... daily inspirations (yay for the internet!), old sayings such as "Count your blessings" etc... there are tons. Find a "mantra"... at one of my hardest times my mantra was that little mole/groundhog thing from Caddyshack singing "I'm alright, nobody worry 'bout me". That was me, finding my own way in spite of some real crap around me. My point is....it is within you... find it.
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Yesterday, 09:08 PM	? #12 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Jun 2012 Posts: 1,841	Quote: I quoted this because I think she says it better than I can. I agree with what I have emboldened. It is the open-ended, no-closure issues which make it so difficult to heal and move forward. My belief is, they know and have experienced this. It is done intentionally. If not, and they once truly loved you and wanted to forgive and be forgiven, they would provide their story, problem or reason. I have not figured out how to forgive when the issues remain. Edit: I have added this quote from Waking up to life because I agree with this part: "For me, this is why it's hard to let go of yesterday and just be happy with today, to just forgive and forget...because to forgive someone for past hurts, it sure as heck would make it much easier if that person would meet half way and acknowledge their contribution to the problem." That's so sweet of you to say..but I suspect you could have said it just as well..I have met many "wise" people who view things this way or better yet have figured this out.
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Source: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/70299-making-mountains-out-molehills-relationships.html

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Insect pests more plentiful in hotter parts of city than in cooler areas

Mar. 27, 2013 ? Higher temperatures in cities can be a key driver of insect pest outbreaks on trees in urban areas, according to research published March 27 in the open access journal PLOS ONE by Emily Meineke from North Carolina State University and colleagues from other institutions.

The researchers found that a scale insect that exclusively feeds on oak trees was 13 times more abundant on willow oaks in the hottest parts of the city of Raleigh, North Carolina than in cooler areas of the same city, even when other factors, like natural enemies that would kill the insects, were similar in both areas. In a second experiment, they found scale insects collected from trees in hot areas had higher survival rates in hot greenhouses than in cool ones. However, insects originally from cooler urban areas remained low in number in both hot and cool greenhouses. The researchers found no differences in the rates of reproduction of insects in any of these groups. Thus, they suggest that the differences in abundance may be a result of differences in survival rather than a higher reproductive capacity.

Urbanization of an area changes the species that dwell in it. Previous studies have analyzed these effects in terms of loss of resources or changes to habitat, but this is the first research to focus on the effects of "heat islands" created in cities. Meineke explains that, "Urban warming can lead to higher insect pest abundance, a result of pest acclimation or adaptation to higher temperatures."

The study concludes that since current urban warming is similar in magnitude to the higher temperatures predicted by global warming in the next fifty years, their results may indicate potential changes in pest abundance as natural forests also grow warmer.

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Journal Reference:

1. Emily K. Meineke, Robert R. Dunn, Joseph O. Sexton, Steven D. Frank. Urban Warming Drives Insect Pest Abundance on Street Trees. PLoS ONE, 2013; 8 (3): e59687 DOI: 10.1371/journal.pone.0059687

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Disclaimer: Views expressed in this article do not necessarily reflect those of ScienceDaily or its staff.

Source: http://feeds.sciencedaily.com/~r/sciencedaily/top_news/~3/-xa0IYLVu9Y/130327190544.htm

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How To Get Down To Renting A Campervan

Campervanning in has already been an integral part of the people that are looking to go for a vacation. In fact is now one of the most ideal means for anyone looking for a fun and safe adventure that give value for the money spent. Many travelers now favor the to renting and traveling in a campervan than opting for a regular automobile; even people have been doing so in the past.

The benefits of choosing to hire and travel with a camper van are varied according to lucky rentals, the New Zealand campervan rental firm. Some people it double the fun, some say it is cheaper that hotels or taking flights to different place. Some say it is more sociable etc.

But for this to happen, planning is the first process to ultimately ensure one get the most satisfying holiday. Some people actually do it a year in advance and have done it many times before in a campervan. Some people are planning their first ever campervan road trip. The others are also planning to buy an RV, but would not justify the price of buying one if the intention is by using it sporadically.

Well, anyone that is legally an adult can rent a campervan. In fact hiring a camper is simply comparable to hiring a normal car. We are talking about medium to large cars that carry the fundamental services of a home. Campervans may also be linked to trailers, vehicle trailers, motor home, and also 4WD with folding camper utilities.

As the popularity of campervans have grown there are now many types of campervans built to cater to different people but generally it is between two possibilities, the budget and the luxury. When it comes to size concerns, like renting a vehicle the size must be specific. The seatbelt capacity should not be exceeded by the number of people. It goes the same with campervans, but it is usually regarded to the capacity of the camper. You will find 5 sizes i.e. the 2 3, 4, 5 and last but not least the 6berth. The other size is the 2.5 berth. The 2.5berth campervan, means that it could rest 2 adults and 1 child. But generally the most common are 2, 4 and 6berth campervans.

The number preceding the term "berth" suggest the sleeping capacity of the automobile. Other things you will need to think about when selecting a campervan will be the facilities that it gives. You may desire a toilet, shower on your own trip, and you may not. Needless to say the vehicle with more features is more expensive compared to simple one. Generally, each camper has simple entertainment, cooking and sleeping facilities. And one way of picking right the van is to go for one that'll accommodate both your budget and needs.

About the Author:
You make reservations early enough at lucky rentals, you will be able to get a fully geared up cheap campervan hire. All campervans and sleepervans are fully equipped with duvet,towels, cutlery, crockery, pots and pans, toaster, kettle, gas kettle and much more. You can even pick up or drop your campervan off any time of the day or night.We guarantee the lowest cost New zealand campervan rental.

Source: http://www.articlesnatch.com/Article/How-To-Get--Down-To-Renting-A-Campervan/4505431

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Let's Ban It: 8 Moratoriums We Can All Get Behind - Borderstan ...

Posted on26 March 2013. Tags: liquor license moratoriums, Maggie Barron, Moratorium

From Maggie Barron. You can reach her at maggie[AT]borderstan.com and follow her on Twitter @rookerysf.

Pick the moratorium you want to support. (Luis Gomez Photos)

Jeez, what do you have to do to get something banned around here? Bans and moratoria are falling on tough times. There?s the defeat of the large soda ban in New York City. Protests against the nudity ban in San Francisco (yes, public nudity was perfectly legal there until two months ago).

And now, closer to home, the proposed moratorium on U Street liquor licenses meets an icy reception at a recent neighborhood listening session.

People don?t like banning things. It seems so final. So severe. No nudity in public places ??not just ?let?s reduce the relative amount of nudity.? So harsh. Even a moratorium sounds draconian. Five years? Where will I be in five years? Will alcohol even be legal in five years? No one knows for sure.

That?s why I?ve come up with a list of proposed moratoriums that I think could actually pass with flying colors. Nothing too restrictive, just those things that we?ve had enough of. See what you think:

The following eight things, in three categories, shall be prohibited for a period of no less than five years from today.

Food and Drink

1. Beet and goat cheese salads: Yes, they are delicious. But there?s no other way to make beets taste good? And if there isn?t, can you serve us something else? It?s been on your menu for ten years?
2. The word ?artisanal.? After years of abuse, the privilege of using ?artisanal? to describe a food, craft or other noun shall be revoked until further notice. To be honest, the blanket use of the term (artisanal croutons, artisanal gelato) is kind of making us foodies sound like jerks.
3. Cocktails costing more than $10. A few places that make really nice cocktails have now made it acceptable for everyone to start charging $12+ for a drink. The other night I ordered what appeared to be a Greyhound except the bartender repeatedly slapped a single basil leaf between his palms and then delicately placed it on top. So I basically paid a $2 premium to have my basil spanked. No more!

Fashion

1. Wearing Uggs in public. Yes, I know they are warm. So are Snuggies and Russian ushankas, but no one wears those outside. This is DC, not Siberia. (And while we?re talking about comfortable clothing that should be severely curtailed, I second Dafna Steinberg?s piece on yoga pants).
2. Wearing bicycle helmets without buckling the chin strap. Nothing better conveys the message, ?I care about my safety, but in a weirdly ambivalent way,? than not buckling your helmet strap. I see these people way more often than I?d expect. Do they not realize this defeats the purpose of a helmet and yet still gives them helmet hair, so it?s really the worst of every possible option?

Social Media

1. The phrase ?retweets are not endorsements? on Twitter profiles. Is there anyone who says ?You know what? My retweets are endorsements! Every single one!? No. So let?s all agree to ditch the disclaimer. (P.S. we also know that you are tweeting your own views and not those of your employer? but disclaimers don?t actually mean you can?t get in trouble, FYI)
2. Facebook status updates that tell me how much you have recently exercised. All updates such as ?8.5 miler today ??feeling great!? shall be immediately banned until further notice.
3. Complaints about ?spoilers? because you haven?t watched a popular show yet. The entire internet does not have to be quiet until you catch up on your DVR. Sorry.

I really think I?m on to something here. Enforcement may be an issue, though?

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maggie - who has written 17 posts on Borderstan.

Barron lived in Los Angeles, Providence, Prague, New York and London before making the jump to Borderstan in 2009. She?s interested in the way cities work ? or don?t ? and why. You can find her walking her dog around the neighborhood and spending way too much time shopping for and thinking about food. She?s on Twitter @maggiebarron; email her at maggie[AT]borderstan.com.

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Source: http://www.borderstan.com/03/lets-ban-it-8-moratoriums-we-can-all-get-behind/

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'Big Bang' cast performs 'Rocky Horror' number

By Ashley Majeski, TODAY contributor

Although Jim Parsons is used to sporting T-shirts featuring robots and scientific equations for his role as nerdy Dr. Sheldon Cooper on "The Big Bang Theory," the actor was willing to strip down to a corset and fishnets ? in the name of sweet charity.

Jordan Strauss / AP

The stars of "Big Bang Theory, from left, Simon Helberg, Jim Parsons, Melissa Rauch, Johnny Galecki and Kaley Cuoco perform onstage at the 21st Annual "A Night at Sardi's" to benefit the Alzheimer's Association at the Beverly Hilton Hotel on Wednesday, March 20, 2013.

Parsons and the rest of the cast of the hit CBS comedy dressed up as characters from the cult classic "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" Wednesday to perform the play?s signature musical number, ?The Time Warp,? during the 21st annual ?A Night at Sardi?s? awards dinner and celebrity musical review. Stars and entertainment industry leaders gather each year and perform musical numbers from Broadway shows to raise money for the Alzheimer?s Association.

?This is the fifth year we, as the ?Big Bang? cast, have come here to do a number to keep bringing attention to this cause,? Parsons told "Entertainment Tonight" that evening. He played ?sweet transvestite? Dr. Frank-N-Furter during the performance. ?There is no cure yet and it?s just very important to keep attention on it until there is one.

?None of us sing very well, and it?s never necessarily good what we do, but, like a train wreck, you can?t take your eyes off of it so there?s the attention.?

Joining Parsons on stage were Kaley Cuoco as Magenta the maid, Simon Helberg as servant Riff Raff, Johnny Galecki as Brad Majors, Melissa Rauch as tap-dancing Columbia, and Kunal Nayyar as biker Eddie.

?It?s a great cause. It?s very important to us and it?s become more important over the years and it?s an honor that they keep asking us back,? Cuoco told "ET" before the group?s performance, adding that, ?It?s going to be scary. It?s going to be a horror. Terrifyingly bad. But we?ll have fun!?

Last year, the "Big Bang" cast performed ?Let the Sunshine In? from the musical "Hair!" at the event.

According to the Alzheimer's Association, the ?Night at Sardi?s? events have raised more than $21 million to date.?

What do you think of the cast's "Time Warp"? Tell us on our Facebook page!

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Source: http://theclicker.today.com/_news/2013/03/25/17461258-big-bang-theory-cast-performs-rocky-horror-classic-number?lite

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Petraeus making first speech since leaving CIA

FILE - I this Feb. 2, 2012 file photo, CIA Director David Petraeus testifies on Capitol Hill in Washington. The former CIA director is making his first public speech since resigning in November over an extramarital affair. The former four-star general is speaking Tuesday night at a University of Southern California event honoring the military. (AP Photo/Cliff Owen, File)

FILE - I this Feb. 2, 2012 file photo, CIA Director David Petraeus testifies on Capitol Hill in Washington. The former CIA director is making his first public speech since resigning in November over an extramarital affair. The former four-star general is speaking Tuesday night at a University of Southern California event honoring the military. (AP Photo/Cliff Owen, File)

WASHINGTON (AP) ? Former CIA director David Petraeus is making his first public speech since resigning in November over an extramarital affair.

The former four-star general is scheduled to speak Tuesday night at a University of Southern California event honoring the military.

A prepared text of his speech, obtained by The New York Times, indicates Petraeus will apologize for the affair with his biographer, Paula Broadwell. Petraeus is expected to acknowledge that he's "regarded in a different light now" than he was a year ago and that he'll try to make amends and move forward as best he can.

The 60-year-old famed Iraq and Afghan war general retired from the military in 2011 and went on to lead the CIA. President Barack Obama accepted his resignation from the intelligence agency on Nov. 9, saying Petraeus had "made our country safer and stronger."

The affair was discovered during an FBI investigation into emails Broadwell sent to another woman she saw as a rival for Petraeus' attention ? emails the other woman viewed as threatening.

Petraeus told his staffers at the time that he was guilty of "extremely poor judgment" in the affair. "Such behavior is unacceptable, both as a husband and as the leader of an organization such as ours," he told CIA employees in a statement.

Associated Press

Source: http://hosted2.ap.org/APDEFAULT/89ae8247abe8493fae24405546e9a1aa/Article_2013-03-26-Petraeus/id-08ff26e9b51b48b2b4b83e23f9768d2a

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